I have more plans for the room. I want to hang quilts above the bed and crib; the quilt their grandma made Mae and the quilt I made for Nina. When Nina is potty trained, I am taking out the changing table and moving their toys in here. But there is always something. And they are always growing. They love their room. They sleep so well in it. It is the place they go when they are tired and upset, to calm down. They both crawl into Mae’s bed, under the covers and giggle and bounce around. That white couch has seen years of holding baby girls, nursing them, and singing them to sleep. This is a place to put band-aides on, brush wet hair after a bath, tuck in covers, change poopy bums, and where Mae practices dressing herself. It was really put together the other day, so I took some photos to always remember the special place that helped them from babies to toddlers.
Mae turned 3 years old on Saturday, and that night we told her that she is all big now, so no more binkies. She has been using a binky at night since we banned them from days when she was 1. About nine months ago, she used her binkies to “buy” a boat for the bath. For four nights she cried so loud and horrible over and over and over again between small sleeping sessions until morning. Like she was in the utmost pain. I would lay in bed with her while she stroked my face, tears coming down her cheeks, begging me to answer the question “why?”. One the fifth night, I looked at the situation omnisciently, and decided she wasn’t ready, and gave her back her binkies. And she fell right to sleep and woke up happy.
So this time, I did a lot of prep. Telling her that only babies use binkies, and she was a big girl. Well, after a day where she was bombarded with positive attention about becoming a big girl, surrounded by all her most loved and favorite people, with a house full of new toys, I told her she was 3 now, and we don’t use binkies anymore. She cried, but only because she was learning to sleep without it. She woke crying, but it was ok. Last night, Adam held her like a baby until she fell asleep, since she is learning how to comfort without the binkie. It was such a surreal and beautiful moment to watch him hold her, wrapped in a blanket, singing all her favorite songs, until she slipped off into dreamland. Sometime after he laid her down, she cried again, only halfheartedly asking for her binkie back once. Then it got bad. She cried, “I can’t do this!” while wailing into a pillow. But it wasn’t like a plea for us to cave in, it was like she also wanted to give it up, it was just hard. So I made sure she had her elephant, flashlight, cup of water, and laid with her, rubbing her back, letting her know she can do it. We will just keep at it, until it doesn’t hurt anymore. And it will be ok. I hoped that moving on from the binkie that she would be with us in it, and that’s the way it is. It is difficult, but we will learn to grow up together. Hand in hand.